Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
