I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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