They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We smell like vodka and hangover
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