is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
