sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
