went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
