last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This house was built for laser tag.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
