This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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