maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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