oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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