I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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