I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
