it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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