Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
