I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
