Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
