I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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