Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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