girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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