i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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