have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
