i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
