Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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