So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
