Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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