HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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