i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
