Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
