You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
