After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
