life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My vagina just recognized that song.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
