We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
