i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize