Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
