in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
