You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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