I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
