just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
