There was a lot of him and a little penis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
