Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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