wrigley field is MILF paradise
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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