And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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