I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
