@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
