when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
