Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
