I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
