Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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