I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
