All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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